


meet me by the water cooler

by garam



Category: Castlevania (Cartoon), 悪魔城ドラキュラ | Castlevania Series
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Office, Castlevania (Cartoon) Season 2, M/M, Pre-Slash, Texting, unfashionably frequent use of the word fuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:40:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24503266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/garam/pseuds/garam
Summary: XXxǤØDB̾R@NÐxXX has sent you an imageXXxǤØDB̾R@NÐxXXSEASONS GREETINGS MY VAMPIRE QUEEN ;)Isaac LaforezeYou are on thin fucking iceXXxǤØDB̾R@NÐxXXWHAT THE FUCKDracula’s war court but it’s a corporate office quietly scheming human genocide.
Relationships: Hector/Isaac Laforeze
Comments: 13
Kudos: 74





	meet me by the water cooler

**Author's Note:**

> For atmospheric purposes, just imagine the office as looking exactly the same as Dracula's castle in the series but with water coolers and vandalized motivational posters strewn about randomly.
> 
> Also: dracula's office runs on a nocturnal schedule, hence why hector is eating lunch at like 4 in the morning

**Isaac Laforeze > Hector**

[3:53 am] **Isaac Laforeze**  
Meeting in Dracula’s office at your earliest convenience

[3:55 am] **Isaac Laforeze**  
This means now Hector

 **Hector**  
I’m on my lunch break  
Dracula said he wouldnt have meetings during our lunch breaks  
Whats this about? 

[3:57 am] **Hector**  
Hold on how come you get 15 extra minutes for ur lunch?  
And it coincides w Drac’s brooding sessions so you never get called up during it?

[3:59 am] **Hector**  
This is straight up favoritism  
Tell Dracula about this or i will

[4:01 am] **Hector**  
I thought we were all supposed to be equals here

 **Isaac Laforeze**  
GET UP HERE  
  
  


* * *

  
  
“Sir,” Hector says as he enters the office ten minutes after Isaac’s last text, “About my tardiness—”

“Sit down, Hector,” A completely apathetic Dracula interrupts, “It’s a miracle you’ve arrived at all.”

“Where’s Isaac?” He asks, sliding into his seat.

“I’ve sent him downstairs to decompress,” Dracula takes a long sip of something Hector suspects isn’t coffee from his favorite Moomins mug, “Do you remember our success in Gresit?”

Hector chuckles uneasily. “It’d be easier not to remember,” He admits, “ _Satanic Cult Wages War on Catholic Capital, Leaves Priests for Dead_.”

“ _The Wallachian Times_ ,” Dracula hums, “Good friends.”

“Where to next?” Hector asks, “Just so we can give them a chance at redemption.”

Dracula chuckles in a very unhumoured, very Dracula-like way, “Isaac is recommending Agres.”

Hector blinks. “Agres?” he echoes, “Already?”

“Do you disagree?”

“Surely Braila is a more fitting choice.”

“Mm,” says Dracula, already redirecting his attention back to his boxcar of a Windows 98 computer, “Take the matter to Isaac then. I expect nothing but unanimous proposals from the two of you,” He sweeps his acrylics towards the door, “Reconcile and email me your final decision by—”

“Actually sir, I, ah,” Hector says before Dracula could tell him to fuck off, “I had another concern— that I needed to speak to you about.”

“And what would that be?” Dracula asks without looking up. 

“The concern about Isaac’s lunch privileges.” 

Dracula stares at him blankly.

“The fifteen extra minutes?” He tries. 

“ _Those_ fifteen minutes are protected under Title VII,” says Dracula, “He uses his lunches to pray.”

“All I’ve ever seen him do is pray,” Hector complains, “Pray or curse at Godbrand in the group chat.”

“You misunderstand me, Hector,” Dracula says, “Those fifteen minutes are for him to eat. The other thirty minutes are reserved for ablution and the ritual itself, perhaps self-flagellation despite my… well, despite workplace safety regulations.”

Hector winces. “A feast indeed.”

“He’s also been working here far longer than you have.” Dracula adds, “Which is why I would advise you two to get along before we lay our next siege.”

“I’ve tried,” Hector says, “He finds it… counterproductive.”

“He told me as such,” Dracula sighs, “But our work will only benefit from a stronger working relationship. Find a common ground, Hector. Through whatever means you see fit.”

“Whatever means?” Hector echoes.

“Anything within OSHA guidelines that won’t get us reported, sued, or otherwise on the map.”

“I’ll get right on it, sir,” Hector stands up to leave, “We’ll be —what’s the expression— _thick as thieves_ by the week’s end.” 

“Yes, yes, do what you must, Hector,” The door closed behind Hector and Dracula leans back against his chair and sighs to himself, “But please, with dignity.”  
  
  


* * *

  
  
**TO DO LIST** [updated 4:16 am]

 **GOALS**  
\- Find common ground w/ isaac (befriend???)  
\- Convince isaac to move on Braila (send email when done)

 **OBSTACLES**  
\- Godbrand  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Now that he was out of Dracula’s office, Hector could finally find out what the hell all the vibrating in his pocket was about. His screen lights up with six missed notifications.  
  
  
**Isaac Laforeze > Dracula Tepes War Court and Co.**

[4:13 am] **Isaac Laforeze**  
Can somebody tell Godbrand to stop using our business numbers for sexual escapades before I go to the recreation room and lob off his 2 cm penis myself

 **XXxǤØDB̾R@NÐxXX**  
IM NOT 2 CM  
FUCK  
THAT  
AND FUCK UR FUCKING NUMBER  
@CARMILLA HOW ARE U TWO ONLY 3 DIGITS APART YOU LIVE IN DIFFERENT COUNTRIES

[4:17 am] **Hector**  
What  
  
  
Almost immediately, his phone rings.

"What have you done." Hector says because he _knows_.

"Merely lit the spark," replies the unmistakably pleased voice of Carmilla, "They'll eventually burn themselves out, don't you worry."

"He's gonna kill him," Hector says, "Or. Okay, maybe he'll just brood for the next couple meetings and ghost my texts but either way, not ideal."

"I don't mind a little discourse in the office," Carmilla says, "Keeps the blood pumping."

"That's—" He's interrupted by another incoming call. He gratefully hangs up and accepts.

"You’ve finished debriefing with Dracula," Isaac says immediately, "What did he tell you?" 

“Not much,” Hector says, “I imagine he gives all the important bits to you, so I have an excuse to hunt you down and you an excuse to accidentally connect with someone on a basic human level.”

“Don’t be petty,” Isaac says icily, “I imagine he told you of our plan for Agres?”

“He did.”

“It’s a good plan. Agres is an old and respected town.”

“It’s _also_ in the heart of Wallachia,” Hector refutes, “And if we strike there, all we do is scatter the surrounding villages and encourage them to escape the country altogether.”

“If the heart dies, the body cannot function.” Isaac maintains.

“But we need the body to function— at least enough so that the _humans_ we’re aiming for are still in the vicinity of the _places_ we’re aiming for,” Hector says, “But speaking out of metaphors— Braila is the better option.”

“Braila,” says Isaac, like it's blasphemy— low and gravely, “Carmilla’s recommendation?”

“Her motives may be… questionable but she _is_ capable,” Hector tries, “And she’s also right. Attacking a port town discourages escape by boat. There wouldn’t be anywhere to run after Braila’s sacked.”

“It’ll cause a stir-up in the court.”

“There’s always stir-up,” Hector says, “Better if we be the cause of it, rather than someone else.” _Like Carmilla_ goes unsaid but judging from Isaac’s sigh, it registers nonetheless. 

“We’ll wait until the court calms down,” Isaac decides after a pause, “Agres has been a point of contention for some time now and I’m afraid a sudden change will cast doubt.”

“On Dracula?” Hector questions. 

“On us. And how much power Carmilla _thinks_ she has.”

“Power enough to give Godbrand your number instead of hers.” He teases.

“And I’m afraid that’s all that’ll be granted,” Isaac deadpans, “See you at dinner, Hector.”

“See you. Bye.”

“Bye.”

“Mm.”

“Mm.”

“Mm, by—”

The line cuts off.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
**TO DO LIST** [updated 4:30 am] 

**GOALS**  
\- Befriend isaac (time: noon~afternoon / place: TBD)  
\- Send email after thursday (vladdraculatepes@yahoo.org / NOT gmail)

 **OBSTACLES**  
\- Godbrand  
\- Carmilla??  
  
  


* * *

  
  
4:37 am

**Isaac Laforeze > Queen Carmilla of Styria**

**Isaac Laforeze**  
I would kindly ask you not to blatantly give out my number to your suitors, Carmilla

 **Queen Carmilla of Styria**  
If you weren't into it, you could've just said so  
But just to clear things up for future notice:  
Are you more of a man’s man or a woman’s man?

 **Isaac Laforeze**  
I hate everybody equally and your suitors will be among the first I kill

 **Queen Carmilla of Styria**  
Atta boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for the record, Isaac is probably the bitch who sets his keyboard to spanish despite only typing in english because he likes to make life as difficult for himself as possible
> 
> **UPDATE** : For those wondering, I decided this fic was better left as a one-shot & have deleted the second chapter. my apologies to those who were waiting for a new chapter ;; but nevertheless, thank you to everyone for ur support! it made my heart very mush and I am very grateful ;;

**Author's Note:**

> for the record, isaac is probably the bitch who sets his keyboard to Spanish despite only typing in English because he likes to make life as difficult for himself as possible


End file.
